Not suffering from Chronic Verbal Diarrhea

Contrary to the belief of some people, I am not a chatty individual. It seems people have gathered this misconception from the writing style in my entries but I assure you, I do not talk like it's second to breathing. I just...think a lot.

And my blog entries don't automatically come out sarcastic and witty on the first draft (yes, I do do drafts). It goes through my laborious process of editing:

1) Type out general gist of my nonsense.
2) Leave it to ferment for a few weeks, as I ignore it.
3) When threshold of procrastination borders the 'Guilt' level, I actually edit it.
4) The 3 A's are added: Adjectives, Analogies and Awesomeness (mine, of course!).
5) Publish immediately!
6) Reread few days later to catch typo and spelling errors.

There's this tendency/preference for me to observe, you know (Darn Ris Low! Her spastic pronunciation of it 'u noe, u noe...' pops up in my head every time I use the words 'you know') like listening and watching. Not in a stalker-ish way, mind you. So forgive me if I appear less engaging in a conversation.

Edited out of context

I'm an avid reader of the local magazine 8 days that grabbing a copy of it has become a top-lister of weekly rituals. Picked up my first copy while I donned my all-blue secondary school uniform and my addiction to it was obvious when I had withdrawal symptoms (flipping an imaginary page and sniggering to myself) while I was in KL for furthering my studies. And yes, as much as I hate to admit it (because I would only like to associate myself with intellectual literature), it is an entertainment/gossip magazine. But in my defence! I only like it for the witty style of writing and the food/music columns.

Anyway, I never had the guts to write to them or about what but Gurmit Singh's uninspiring hosting skills inspired me (contradicting, I know) to finally send them a mail...which got published!

Erm...wait a minute. Look's like I've been *duh duh duh* EDITED OUT OF CONTEXT! Yes, they did mention they may edit any mail for clarity and length but...that isn't what I really wanted to convey.

This was my original mail:

"I'm not a Gurmit Singh fan. Trust me because I cringe every time I see him on TV. Seeing him on Singapore Idol made me utterly depressed and it wasn't entirely because of his horrendous, lacklustre and uninspiring hosting skills (as usual) but rather of his sorrowful eyes every time he looks into the camera. He loses his train of thought, unable to form coherent sentences, repeats his words and leaves us waiting in awkward moments during the results. Clearly he's distracted and I suspect something tragic happened to him. Or he was forced to host SI against his will again. Am I reading too much into it?"

You know, all I wanted to say that Gurmit's bad hosting this time could be attributed to something bad had happen to him at home and not because...he was being his usual self/Phua Chu Kang-ish. I was hinting to the people at 8 days to look at his failure as a host at a different angle and perhaps do some snooping around and dig up a story (Wah lau eh...I even suggested topic for them to write).

Yay! Free food!

There are a few perks working for a renown paediatrician and one of them is getting invited to fancy dinners at 4-5 star hotels. This time its the Grand Hyatt at Orchard for the Singapore Paediatric Society dinner. The dress code: Glitz and Glamour. Now how to you go about dressing up for that? Thinking about whether I was under-dressed for the event (well, most of them will be doctors and definitely would have the moo-lahs to spend on themselves) while walking to the grand ballroom, I saw someone just in (you got to be kidding me?!) jeans and a collared shirt. And just a few hours ago you would have found me contemplating on buying a bow-tie for the event. Don't ask me 'Why a bow-tie?' but the main idea was that I was fussing on what to wear. Maybe I should adopt the same heck-care attitude when faced with dinner dress codes.

Got a 2GB thumb-drive as a door gift from the generous GSK (who also sponsored part of the dinner) - totally awesome for cheap-skates like me! At least it cushioned the fact that my colleagues and I were sitting at the 'Loser' table. You know, the table closest to the door and has a speaker just beside it. So when there's a feedback reaction from the microphone, we would be in the front line receiving the full brunt of it (our poor ear drums!).

And you know the Wonder Girls' 'Nobody But You' has reached world domination when the emcee has you doing the dance moves to start the night off. The highlight of the night? I was the subject of humiliation as I was unanimously chosen by the table to be dressed up with napkins, watches on my right arm, 10 cent coin in my left ear, a second belt around my waist and lip gloss. Oh...and that was not the end of it. I had to go on stage and dance to 'Staying Alive' (by the Bee Gees) with my hips gyrating the air emphasized. Don't worry, the pictures will be uploaded on Facebook for you amusement. I'll be sure to let you know...NOT! The food was great but that was a given since its a 5-star hotel.

I had always thought these events would be prim and proper, with cultural activities and boring speeches. Thankfully, they weren't! Too bad our naturally-drunk department secretary didn't make her rounds to each table. That would be a sight to see!

Eyes on you...

Remember the film 'Enemy of the State'? You know, where Will Smith's character gets chased by NSA agents and they used whatever technology they have to locate him because he (without his knowledge) is in possession of some evidence. It almost was as if the entire country was under surveillance.

Too far-fetched to be real? Think again.

There is already one country that is constantly watched by vigilant members of an organization and that country is...Singapore! Who needs 24/7 CCTVs, hidden bugs and satellites when you can mobilize anyone in the nation who has a camera phone (video function not necessary) and give them (deluded) rights as a kay pohconcerned citizen to complainreport about anything.

Behold, STOMP.com.sg! Isn't it fearful that anyone can take your picture without you knowing it, upload it to the website and complain about the way you sit because it annoys them. Isn't that ridiculous? Some of them are not even legitimate claims of causing disruption to the public.

Take for example this. The STOMPer (that's what they are called) actually brings to light his/her stupid mistake of not checking the price of his/her items before paying and actually tries to warn us to learn from his/her mistake? Come on la! Who the hell can be so stupid not to check the tag on the fruit/vegetable after they weighed them? You have like at least 3 opportunities to check the tag: Immediately after weighing it, while the cashier scanned it and the item appears on the screen and immediately after paying for it as you check your bill. And he/she even has the cheek to sound victimized.

Or how about this one? "I think he can't control himself from sleeping but if he's really that tired, can't he take a cab?" "He should be old enough to have self control, even after getting so worn out." Are you friggin' serious? How can anyone have any control when they are sleeping especially when they are so worn out? It's not as if the STOMPer couldn't try to wake him up to make that seat acessible to others. And what is this mentality to asking them to take a cab as a solution. If he could afford to take a cab all the way home, he would already have!

I am utterly amazed that some people are just plain intolerant to just about anything and pompous enough to think they have the absolute right to judge other people. I wouldn't be surprise to find my picture there just because someone didn't like that I was just standing infront of him/her in the bus/MRT.

Can someone point out the difference?

There are times where, in the midst of a conversation with someone new, I have introduced the fact that saya orang Malaysia (I am a Malaysian) and they respond with,

"Really? You don't look/sound like a Malaysian!"

or,

"Really? But you look/sound like a Singaporean!"

And this puzzles me because I didn't know there are differences between a Chinese in either country. Or this there this stereotypical view that Singaporean Chinese have of their Malaysian counterparts that we supposedly grotesque: Our eyes the size of pin-holes, noses the shape and size of a button mushroom, and teeth that are in seriously need of braces. And having short tongues, we are incapable of pronouncing words with 'R', hence, replacing them with 'L'. So a 'Rabbit' becomes a 'Labbit' and the 'Radio' becomes the 'Ladio'. Heck, I think I'm not suppose to be able to type in good English.

I guess it is their general belief that Malaysian Chinese are either Chinese- or Malay-educated, hence, the perceived poor grasp of the English language. I can let that slip by because my accent is from years of speaking English to my family and emulating all the Western TV shows I've glued myself to in the younger year. But...not looking like a Malaysian? How do they come up with that? Aren't out ancestors the same (if you slowly work your way up the family tree, you can trace them all the waaaaay back to...China)?

In Malaysia, I've been told I don't look like a Chinese and now in Singapore, I don't look like a Malaysian. Please tell me what am I suppose to look like?

I never knew this day would come

Not many of you know that my job involves the analysis of stool specimens from infants, which basically means I study the shit from babies. To secure a steady supply of stool samples for the use of practising/testing techniques (because my boss is finicky about me using the project's very very preciooouuussss samples), I had to ask a fellow colleague for her infant's "donations" on a monthly basis. It involves me passing her a collection container, she returns it after the following few days with the "donation" and I process it.

When it came to collecting it for this month, I was told I had to wait slightly longer because her child was suffering from diarrhea. I was getting slightly anxious as the days passed with no "donation". Finally, I received news that I would be getting it the next day, I was overjoyed and I can remember exclaiming to my colleague, "YES! Her child doesn't have diarrhea anymore!The shit is coming tomorrow!". Then it hit me. Never in my life have I been so happy about receiving shit.

A FML moment.

I'll neglect posting any entries now as I'm focusing on my secret project and slight tweaking of the blog layout (as you can see).